Self-Sabotage: The Silent Killer
With Africa Brooke
Author Africa Brooke is a lovely and insightful human being. In our conversation, we discuss addiction, self-sabotage, and self-censorship.
Africa shares her journey from Zimbabwe to the United Kingdom and how it shaped her understanding of the world and herself—including her struggle with a ten-year alcohol addiction. Writing became a lifeline as did helping others to understand and identify self-sabotage: what are we trying to escape from, and why do we fall into destructive patterns?
In our conversation, we also discuss the concept of collective sabotage—how society undermines itself. Are we living in an era where open conversations are possible, or are we trapped in a state of fear that fuels sabotage, cancel culture, and self-censorship? Why does defensiveness seem to be the norm in our interactions today? After we answer the question we’re better positioned to offer solutions.
In a world increasingly polarized by differing worldviews, the ability to engage in constructive conversation seems to be waning. To regain our ability to have meaningful conversations and relationships, we first need to look to the ancient maxim, “Know thyself”. Africa offers some easy-to-use tools to identify and stop self-sabotage, and thus help us lead better lives.
Self-Sabotage is something that dominated my life from an early age. When i was six i was given paregoric for tonsilitis. The warm hug made me feel like the world was a safe place. I started to steal it. Searching every medicine cabinet in every bathroom i stepped foot in. It made me loath myself for being a sneak. I had a secret. It's killer. I picked up heroin at fifteen years old. Was on a methodone clinic. I got pregnant. I desperately wanted a family. I got clean. It's very hard for friends to be brutally honest with each other. That's what sponsors in AA are for. I had a great one. I was sober for twenty one years. I had a terrible argument with my son. Said shitty things to him. I tried to apologize but couldn't find him. He wouldn't answer my calls. I never saw him again. Two weeks later, he got drunk and the small amount of heroin was enough to cause the 'lethal combination'. The baby i got clean for picked up heroin and was dead in less than a month. Many people loose children and don't go off the deep end. That wasn't my story. I didn't think his death was my fault. I Knew it was my fault. The guilt was killer. I got fired from a job i thought i was going to retire from. I relapsed on liquid morphine. End result. At 58yo. Served twenty two months out of a two and a half year sentence. Reputation destroyed. Financial ruin. I want to erase this entire comment. Self-Censor? Every day, at least a few times. I'm not insane. I don't want the Google censor. I've had four of them. For saying things like Women do not have penises. What's more threatening to me is the manager of my senior citizen building who just graduated from Leslie College two years ago and is a massive social justice warrior with no sense of humor. Sorry for being a windbag. Thank you Africa. Self Sabotage is Self Hatred. One more thing. My aunt had COPD and Emphysema. She literally was unable to do what's necessary to draw smoke into the lungs - inhale. That didn't stop her from trying - It's called a Jones. Powerful.
Really good discussion although the end of it got cut off, which is unfortunate.