Self-Sabotage is something that dominated my life from an early age. When i was six i was given paregoric for tonsilitis. The warm hug made me feel like the world was a safe place. I started to steal it. Searching every medicine cabinet in every bathroom i stepped foot in. It made me loath myself for being a sneak. I had a secret. It's killer. I picked up heroin at fifteen years old. Was on a methodone clinic. I got pregnant. I desperately wanted a family. I got clean. It's very hard for friends to be brutally honest with each other. That's what sponsors in AA are for. I had a great one. I was sober for twenty one years. I had a terrible argument with my son. Said shitty things to him. I tried to apologize but couldn't find him. He wouldn't answer my calls. I never saw him again. Two weeks later, he got drunk and the small amount of heroin was enough to cause the 'lethal combination'. The baby i got clean for picked up heroin and was dead in less than a month. Many people loose children and don't go off the deep end. That wasn't my story. I didn't think his death was my fault. I Knew it was my fault. The guilt was killer. I got fired from a job i thought i was going to retire from. I relapsed on liquid morphine. End result. At 58yo. Served twenty two months out of a two and a half year sentence. Reputation destroyed. Financial ruin. I want to erase this entire comment. Self-Censor? Every day, at least a few times. I'm not insane. I don't want the Google censor. I've had four of them. For saying things like Women do not have penises. What's more threatening to me is the manager of my senior citizen building who just graduated from Leslie College two years ago and is a massive social justice warrior with no sense of humor. Sorry for being a windbag. Thank you Africa. Self Sabotage is Self Hatred. One more thing. My aunt had COPD and Emphysema. She literally was unable to do what's necessary to draw smoke into the lungs - inhale. That didn't stop her from trying - It's called a Jones. Powerful.
Self-Sabotage is something that dominated my life from an early age. When i was six i was given paregoric for tonsilitis. The warm hug made me feel like the world was a safe place. I started to steal it. Searching every medicine cabinet in every bathroom i stepped foot in. It made me loath myself for being a sneak. I had a secret. It's killer. I picked up heroin at fifteen years old. Was on a methodone clinic. I got pregnant. I desperately wanted a family. I got clean. It's very hard for friends to be brutally honest with each other. That's what sponsors in AA are for. I had a great one. I was sober for twenty one years. I had a terrible argument with my son. Said shitty things to him. I tried to apologize but couldn't find him. He wouldn't answer my calls. I never saw him again. Two weeks later, he got drunk and the small amount of heroin was enough to cause the 'lethal combination'. The baby i got clean for picked up heroin and was dead in less than a month. Many people loose children and don't go off the deep end. That wasn't my story. I didn't think his death was my fault. I Knew it was my fault. The guilt was killer. I got fired from a job i thought i was going to retire from. I relapsed on liquid morphine. End result. At 58yo. Served twenty two months out of a two and a half year sentence. Reputation destroyed. Financial ruin. I want to erase this entire comment. Self-Censor? Every day, at least a few times. I'm not insane. I don't want the Google censor. I've had four of them. For saying things like Women do not have penises. What's more threatening to me is the manager of my senior citizen building who just graduated from Leslie College two years ago and is a massive social justice warrior with no sense of humor. Sorry for being a windbag. Thank you Africa. Self Sabotage is Self Hatred. One more thing. My aunt had COPD and Emphysema. She literally was unable to do what's necessary to draw smoke into the lungs - inhale. That didn't stop her from trying - It's called a Jones. Powerful.
Really good discussion although the end of it got cut off, which is unfortunate.
Yeah, it was. There was a tech glitch. But we uploaded that 3 minutes.